Trade Secrets

Well, a promise is a promise, so here are all the trade shopping secrets I know:
1. Never ask for help outside the dressing room. Act like you know what you're doing.
2. Never look at the price tag. Act like you have endless amounts of money.
3. If you don't, peek at the price tag in the dressing room. If you can't afford it, ask for it in a color you know they don't make.
4. When trying on something, get it in two sizes, and try the bigger one on first. Then walk through the store to ask a salesperson to see it in a smaller size. The fat people will be totally jealous.
5. Snakeskin is in. Buy as much as you can afford.
6. Inside the dressing room, make the people work for you. Make them get everything for you and in all colors. If they ask if you're buying anything and you can't afford it, say you don't like it and leave the store.
Laytah.